Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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