I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
