i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
