You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
