What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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