ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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