It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
