you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
