Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
