Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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