your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
