I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
