First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
