I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
