fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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