He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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