i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
