i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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