Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
