Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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