My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
