So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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