so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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