I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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