I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
