Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
