now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
