Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i love accidental penises.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
