Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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