It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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