Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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