I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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