Already got asked if we're dating
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize