I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
