So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
