Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
