You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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