OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My balls are so social today.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
