yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
