Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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