I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
