i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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