Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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