i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
