just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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