how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
