This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
