i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Randomize
