I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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