Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
