Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
