My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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