I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
