you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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