i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
